I really hate this intricateness

So yea, I've changed my url. Sometimes I really have a lot of things to blog about, but the thought of strangers reading my thoughts and emotions aloud stops me right away.

You know how they say that the only way to fall out of love is to fall in love again?

I wonder when will that day come. These past two years, I feel like I've been drifting in and out of memories. Sometimes I feel like I've moved on, yet at other times, I can't help but reminisce and relive those times.

I never thought it'd be this difficult, considering the fact that he was nothing more than a two-timing jerk. But it is, it is. Part of me still refuses to accept this fact, till now. Which was why I actually contemplated contacting him again. But I never did. For the better? Maybe. I'll never know.

Of course, throughout this course of two years, sometimes I felt like I've really moved on. And a couple of times I even had someone in mind. Yet, the fear and paranoia held me back from doing anything. Anything at all.

I have to admit that a certain gesture of someone actually touched me greatly awhile ago. But I never had the courage to do anything about it.

I've lost my trust in relationships and the cynicism in me keeps growing. I can't help but think that no relationship is gonna last. As much as I wanna believe, I can't.


Now, how do I go about from here?