Gallows and the gates

It's been a while now.

Perhaps when you try and pretend to be strong you would eventually convince yourself that you are. Or maybe it was God answering my prayers, giving me strength when I most needed it.

When I was so close to giving up on everything. What I hope was the darkest period of my life because any darker would mean that I lost the war and I wouldn't be here typing.

It's scary when you lose the strength to fight off your innermost demons and anytime you could just snap. When I was there I could barely recognize myself on the inside. Those thoughts, those voices in my head they were nothing like me.

When I let the emotional hurt overwhelm me, all I wanted to do was things to hurt myself physically for distraction. On some nights the voices go further than hurting, all they wanted was to end it. Permanently. It took so much of me to remind myself time and again that I promised. And so I must fight them off.

That was almost a month ago. I fought and I won. Now I'm way past that. They don't scare me anymore.

“Something amazing happens when we surrender and just love. We melt into another world, a realm of power already within us. The world changes when we change. the world softens when we soften. The world loves us when we choose to love the world.”

—	Marianne Williamson

I feel almost invincible now. Because I choose not to let it hurt me anymore, love makes me invincible.