Solitude

Bit by bit I find myself getting drained. From what, I don't know.

It feels like the only time I'm happy is when I'm up in the skies, 35,000 ft above the ground. When I look out of the window and all I can see is a flurry of shining stars, or endless white clouds. When I'm talking to passengers on board, playing with the kids on board. When I'm doing a bar round, when I'm doing the hot meal service. When I talking to my colleagues, the usual questions of how long have you been flying.

I thought I would learn by now, how not to be over-trusting. How not to let my heart overrule my mind. How not to trust people until they give you a reason not to. How not to let someone into my heart so easily. How not to see only the best in people. How not to ignore the obvious.

I thought I would remember, cos all this while all that has gotten me into was a crapload of heartbreaks.

But I'm remembering now. Once again, I've been proven wrong. But what's new right?


I think I've lost my ability to love, and feel for things that matter. It's been shoved somewhere deep inside and I don't know how to reach for it.