Change

I forgot what it's like to be able to express myself freely on this space. Those days when I can talk about my feelings, or what I've been up to. Now even blogging about what I've been up to makes me feel....... like I'm being judged.

My roster has been packed with back to back trips all the way till end of April... so am pretty busy with all the flying. See, the thing is, most people see my job as an enjoyment, I do too, that's why I love it. But while others are able to talk freely about what they've been up to with work and going out etc, when I do it, others may see it as I'm showing off.

I've learnt how quick others are to judge what you do and I figured it's best to keep a low profile from now on.

Since I started flying, I've lost count of the number of times my friends (or people whom I treat as friends) tell me, "Wahhh, now air stewardess already change liao ah". It never fails to make me pause and think if I really did change. The occasional good-natured ribbing I get from my close friends I laugh it off with them because I know it's just harmless banter. But from others, sometimes it gets really annoying.

Have I changed ever since I started flying? This I ask myself as often as can be. And I can honestly say that I am still staying true to myself and the values that I've been taught with since growing up.

Yes, I shop a whole lot more when I'm overseas. But am I not entitled to that? I am earning more now and I'm capable of spending on myself but I always spend within my means. How is that "change"? It's not like I've become a brandwhore with labels from head to toe. All my buys are from freaking Primark which you can't not buy because they're so value-for-money!

For the record I've always liked shopping. Come on which girl doesn't! It's just that I never had the privilege to do so in the past. And it's not like I spend every single cent I earn on shopping. I save some, and I give some to my mum. I bet some people out there aren't even giving their parents part of their salary.

I must say it hurts pretty much when you hear stuff coming from people you care about. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I guess it's just my insecurity.

I feel like I'm back to becoming a hermit all over again. It is ironic that I'm even blogging about this knowing that people can read this and judge me even more. Hell, social media is the king of irony.

I think...... Imma go back to the good old style of journal writing. Then only I can judge me.