Now it's time to start

....studying. I have no MOTIVATION to study. :\

I just did my OB quiz and got 13/20. Suckszx0r. OB really kills me.

I have to start practising my Accounting......

-
I don't get why some people like to try their luck when they know that it's impossible. Please, to me, it was a mistake. Hahahhaha.. I think only Val and Ian will get it.

I grew up, and grew smarter. (:

I miss Vallie....... ):

-
I wanna go watch ISWAK2 now! I got the last part of the DVD WOOHOO!
Tata loves!


PS. Grandpa update: I went to see him after work today, he was fine.. But kept telling me that my uncle was behind me "Uncle Tiam zai hou mian.." I guess it was all gibberish talk. He kept asking for my grandma though. He really relies on her a lot. I managed to get him to rest so he didn't ask for my grandma anymore. Because my grandma just got home and was resting.

I remembered my grandfather once said, "I love her, for 57 years." (pointing to my grandma).

How sweet. (:

Don't leave

This morning my sis and I were woken up by a call from my aunt, crying. She told us that our grandpa wants to see my sis. So we cabbed down.

When reached, I couldn't go in because it was the High Dependency Unit so only two visitors are allowed at the same time. I went in after a while. My grandpa motioned me over. Then cradled me to his chest, stroking my head as though consoling me.

I cried, hard. Sobbed like a child while laying on my Ah Gong. My dear grandfather whom I was afraid of all these years.

Ah Gong, don't leave us okay. Stay with us, watch us, your grandchildren, grow up and get married. Don't leave.

He told my aunts this morning that he has some money left for his funeral. Told them to spend money wisely. Asked me and my sis to take care of my Ah Ma, to visit her more often.

It's as though he wants to get all of us prepared if he were to leave. But Ah Gong, I don't want you to leave us. 我不要。

He seems fine in the evening. I really want him to get well. Please Ah Gong, 快点好ok.. 回家了，我们就买鸡精给你补补身体。

Get well soon, Ah Gong.

-
I was really not in the mood for school today. Not in the mood at all... I'm so worried about my grandpa..

The last time I had someone close to me leaving was when I was Primary 5. I don't wanna go through it again, please....

It really hurts.

What's love

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

My grandpa isn't in a very good condition. :\ I hate TTSH. It brings back memories of my favourite aunt. The moments before she left us for good.

God, please bless my grandpa and mum with good health. Please.

-
I'm feeling very emotional. I think I've grown so immune to pain, so numbed. When it hurts so deeply inside, all I can do is pretend that nothing is wrong.

为什么寂寞总是那么多
在孤单眼里 抱着你留下的伤口
我不想再观赏心碎重播
心理那失落的梦 静静的随风飘落

Yet so faraway

Okay, sorry for the lack of updates! I feel super busy this week cos I have to

1. Finish up mystery shopping and key in the results by Thursday
2. Work on Thurs (-.-) at 4
3. Do OB group project dued Friday?
4.. Start studying cos my tests start next week.

Mystery shopping today was ooookkkkaaayyyy, but I haven't combat the more challenging ones. Will leave that to Thurs T.T Everything's dued on Thursday and I have to freaking work.

Damn pissed lah I told my boss that I don't wanna work this week. Then she ask me if I can cope studying there cos there wouldn't be anyone around, and ask me to help. But the thing which I'm irritated about is the fact that it's not that there wouldn't be anyone around, it's just that they themselves DO NOT want to go down.

_l_ But of course, I didn't say no. And and and it's like they're gonna rent the shop out ie they are not opening it anymore but NEITHER OF THEM TOLD ME A SINGLE THING ABOUT IT. I know everything only through my colleagues. It's like whatthehell lor. I have spoken to like two potential owners already.

Anyway, omg it's nine I have to watch my Zzen sooooon! Have a great shopping spree wit Vally Val Val yesterday ZZomg I spent so so much. Hahahha damn broke now. But after yesterday I felt damn depressed cos


I LOOK AT MY REFLECTION AND FEEL DAMN FAT. ):

Ok bye, my Zzen!!!

P/S. Feel like getting out of my skinny-jeans-and-tshirt routine tomorrow and wear a dress instead. :O I think I will scare my classmates. Hahaha

OK BYE!!! ZZEN!!!

I can't breathe easy

I am getting BLOODY IRRITATED by someone.

Do not assume you know me well, you don't. I do not wish to hear any comments from you, neither am I interested in them. Not a bit. When I don't like someone, I make it pretty obvious, so get it into that skull of yours, that I DO NOT wish to talk to you, listen to you or have ANYTHING to do with you.

NOT AT ALL.

Do not even ATTEMPT to talk to me, stay at least 5 metres away, or keep your mouth shut if you are within one metre from me.

You are one helluva irritant, you know that. _l_

-
I'm such an angry person nowadays. :\

I've been feeling so emotional about everything, be it the past or the present.
School work is piling up.
Stupid mystery shopping is due soon and I barely started.
Work tomorrow and Sunday, full.
Mid Sem tests coming.

Seriously, fuck.

I'm having a headache, I feel like sleeping but I have some online assignment and project discussion to do. ):

Siigghhh.

tell me why do I even bother.

Cooled.

I was so pissed just now I cried. I seriously hate myself for doing this everytime I feel damn angry. Like angry till I was all trembling and hot all over.

Damn loser.

I think she cried too but seriously, whatever.

I meant what I said and I ain't gonna take it back. It's time to reflect on her actions. Hit a raw nerve, didn't I? Which got her ranting on MY studies.

Which pissed the shit out of me.

It all started when she nagged at me, continuously. Not once or twice. Damn fucking irritating. Keep nagging and nagging. "Better keep your clothes! Do this, do that." Fuck. I already ignore cos I damn irritated. And she had to fucking shout "GOT HEAR WHAT I SAY OR NOT! EVERYDAY COME HOME USE YOUR LAPTOP."

Damn annoying. Before that I already wanted to say, at least I got come home. But I tolerated. Then she shout I cannot take it lah. So I shouted, "YA AT LEAST I GOT COME HOME"

And she was like, "WHAT! I ALSO GOT COME HOME WHAT. TODAY, YESTERDAY I ALL AT HOME WHAT. WHAT YOU TRYING TO SAY"

Me:" YA YOU COUNT THE NUMBER OF DAYS YOU AT HOME LAH. EVERYDAY NO NEED COME HOME ONE"

Her:"SAY UNTIL YOU LIKE VERY GOOD. YOU COME HOME SO WHAT HOUSEWORK ALSO NEVER DO. (I have to say, at this point in time, that she pays a maid to do the housework every weekend since last week, so she doesn't exactly do ALL the housework either _l_)

Me: "AT LEAST I DON'T PISS MUMMY OFF."

Her: "YA YOU STUDY DON'T KNOW GOT STUDY OR NOT. RESULTS ALSO NOT GOOD. SAY UNTIL YOU SO GOOD LIKE THAT."

SERIOUSLY SHE IS SUCH A BITCH. IT TOTALLY HAD NO LINK WHAT I WAS SAYING ABOUT HER PISSING MY MUM OFF AND HER NOT COMING HOME LOR.

Fucker.

-
Today's such a bad day. Early in the morning my EZ link card got confiscated by this bloody rude asshole of a driver. Wrote a super long complain letter to SBS. That was how fucking much he pissed me.

I would like to raise an unpleasant encounter with a SBS bus driver of bus number 23 (SBS9666X) at around 8.40am on 22nd May 2008.

I was a student from a junior college last year, and transferred to a polytechnic this year. As I had not received my tertiary EZlink card, I had been using my secondary/pre U EZlink card for my bus rides as it was not expired.

I boarded the bus and tapped my card when the bus captain called out to me and motioned me over. I was pretty sure he wanted to check my card as I had such experience with previous bus captains.

After he saw my EZlink card, he asked me where I was studying. I told him and then he said, "This card cannot use." without giving me any explanations. I then said, "Oh ok, but it hasn't expired yet."

He replied, "Haven't expire also cannot use." I tried explaining to him that I haven't received my tertiary EZlink card.

To which he replied, "Everybody also have already, what you mean by you don't have." and told me my card will be confiscated. Previously, bus captains will just return my card to me after verifying that it belongs to me.

I am very unhappy with his attitude in handling this incident. I am sure, that certainly not EVERYBODY has received their EZlink cards. It would depend on when you paid the fees for the application of the card, no? His rude way of speaking is totally uncalled for. If the bus captain had spoken to me in a more polite way, I would definitely not bother typing out this complaint letter. Unfortunately, he was anything but polite.

To make matters worse, he took his time filling in some piece of advice paper (which he passed to me), causing me much embarrassment as the rest of the passengers waited for the bus to start moving.

I have some enquiries regarding this matter.
1)Is it wrong to use my EZlink concession card which has not expired?
2)If it is, why wasn't I notified?
And 3) I have just topped up my EZlink card yesterday. Will I be able to get a refund and my card back?

I have always enjoyed bus rides with SBSTransit but this matter, unfotunately, has caused great disappointment in me. I hope you will look into this incident and give me an answer as soon as possible.

Fucked up day.

FUCK

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

IM FUCKING MAD
BOILING WITH RAGE

BLOODY FUCKING BITCH

DON'T COME TRY TALK SHIT ABOUT MY STUDIES NOW YOU FUCKER

YOUR NOT COMING HOME AND MY STUDIES HAVE NO LINK

GOT NOTHING TO SAY THEN COME TALK FUCK ABOUT MY STUDIES

"AT LEAST I COME HOME" WAS WHAT I SAID
ISN'T THAT FUCKING TRUE

COUNT HOW MANY FUCKING DAYS YOU COME BACK IN A FUCKING WEEK

IM DAMN FUCKING PISSED

WHAT RIGHTS HAVE YOU TO SAY THAT I DON'T STUDY
WHICH FUCKING EYE OF YOURS SEE THAT I DON'T STUDY

YOU ARE NOT EVEN HOME TO SEE IF I STUDY OR NOT

DOING WHAT
OUT DOING SHIT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND

FUCKER.

Aphyxiated.

I'm fucking irritated by my sister. For three fucking consecutive days she's been meeting that boyfriend of hers, stayed over at his house for two nights and the other, came back in the wee hours of the morning.

AND SHE FUCKING HAD TO GO MEET HIM AGAIN TODAY, NOW, JUST NOW. FUCK.

REALLY DAMN FUCKING IRRITATING CAN.

DON'T MEET ONE FUCKING DAY WILL FUCKING DIE IS IT. BLOODY HELL.
FUCK.

_I_

-
Overwhelmed with the haunts of my past.

It's times like this when I wished I had someone by my side, making me feel better, taking me away from all the shits from before.




I'm really tired.

Where is your heart when I'm not around...

I look forward to the day when I can look at your page
and feel no sorrow, feel no hurt. Feel no yearning, feel no sadness.

But right now as the memories come rushing back, I wish I could tell you how much I miss you
despite everything you've put me through.

Where are you now
What have you found
Where is your heart
When I'm not around
Tell me where are you now
You gotta let me know
Oh baby
So I can let you go

-
I don't know why his viewing of my profile affects me every time.

Anyway, I really feel damn sad for the earthquake victims. My colleague and I were viewing this video at work today.

It was daytime when they were rescuing this man. The man was then conscious and even spoke to his wife on the phone to tell her that he's ok. The rescuers were trying their best to remove the debris which trapped the man. Gradually the sky turned darker, but they never gave up. They still continued removing the rubble.

When they finally managed to free the man, he wasn't moving. Stopped moving. Stopped breathing.

It's really heartbreaking. ): It scares me to see how a matter of few hours can affect life and death. And it's really scary to see bodies laying by the road. Not one, not two but tens, hundreds of them.

The tsunami, the snow storm, the cyclone, the earthquake.

Can't you hear the Earth crying for help?

If I could only let you know

I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do

-

I skipped CSA lecture today cos 1) I won't understand it even if I was there cos I'm too lazy to print the notes, 2) Even if I printed the notes I wouldn't have understood the lecture cos all the computing stuffs scare me and 3) I was really damn tired.

I really did fall asleep on the sofa yesterday night, while watching Yu Bai. -.-

It was CCN today and the crowd was atrocious. I was daaaaaamn scared I'd bump into someone. But thank goodness. I hope it remains like that till the end of this sem! Hahahaha

Hanged with the class again! At the library while I did my research for Comm Skills. Kinda gave up on searching some more already. Damn tiring and lazy lah. Brought Lappy to school today! I bought a new laptop case cos the free one that Fujitsu gave was what, half the weight of Lappy itself??

I feel so bad cos I didn't go see my mum today. ): I fell asleep on the sofa (Yay, my favourite sleeping place. -.-) when I reach home cos I was really damn tired. Slept all the way till like 9 when mummy called me to ask me to watch the 9 o'clock show..

I like Zzen!!!! I think he's really very cute!!! Hahahahaha (:

Okay, gonna sleep soon. Mystery shopping tomorrow ): Gosh I don't have the mood lah.
-

If only I could live twice.

Tired out

Okay, I'm on the verge of falling asleep on the sofa (where I'm lying at now). But there's Yu Bai later! Well, 10 more minutes!

I was doing research on Environment for my Comm Skills essay next Tuesday. All the websites I found talked about global warming. I wonder if that's enough. I've got the causes, the effects and how to prevent further global warming. Oh well, I'm too tired to think....

I've been hanging out with my classmates a lot lately, I like! Hahaha I think my classmates rock please. LOL. I stayed in school the whole day today lah! I ended classes at 11am but stayed till 6pm. Hahaha

I hate myself cos I like to read my archives and start reminiscing. It's like ripping an old wound apart and watching it bleed once again. I think I'm insane.

Anyway, I'm gonna start piercing my ears again once my mum is out. But this time, I'm gonna tell her so that I won't close everything because I feel guilty. Haha

Ok ok ok I'm really damn tired I doubt I'll watch Yu Bai if there isn't any news on Ya Lun or Fei Lun Hai. Hahaha

MY LOVES. I miss them like hell.

Mummy's Day

I bought flowers for mummy (: And for my two colleagues, a stalk of carnation each. And also a bouquet for my aunt.

I love the sense of satisfaction and warmth you get from seeing the smiles on faces when you do the act of giving. (:

It's really late, and I gotta reach school earlier, if not on time, or Li Juan will kill me. Hahaha I feel so sorry for making her do all the work ): Sorry!

I'm tired, and lately the regrets of the past keep resurfacing. I wonder why.

My only sunshine <333.

Too late

I don't know why I kept thinking, and thinking and thinking.

Of all the what-ifs, of all the could-bes. But this time, it's not about ___, but you.

Beneath the uncertainty, I actually felt... something. Like I've said I've been pushing it away, ignoring it. All this time. Cos I was too afraid to face it.

I don't know what struck me after such a long time, but today, I realised.. that strange feeling I felt when you were around me, how I always hope to see you again, the strange feeling I felt... when all the other girls seem to be able to get close to you (not neccessarily physically) but me...

I guess this is what's meant to be, like I've said. I saw this coming, but I just had no guts to do anything about it, to stop it.

But maybe, I might have not been able to do anything either. Perhaps it was all one sided?

But I thought.. my intuition told me otherwise.

Nonetheless, it's too late.


Too late for me to do anything. Not that I have the guts to.

Nah, this isn't a big deal. Probably just another one of my thinking too much. Yes, it must be it.
Because it would be too silly of me to only unearth these emotions when I haven't seen you in the longest time. Too silly.

***
Mummy seems fine, but it breaks my heart to see her being injected by the nurses ): I hope she can be discharged soon.

My younger colleague told me that the bosses are thinking whether or not the shop can still run without my help in answering calls and stuff. Ok lor, sack me lor. The shop's undergoing some management facelift, and my older colleague would be in charge. I don't know if this is good or bad.

Aiyah, I don't know. Damn frustrated.
***
Lappy is up and alive :D But I'm very sad cos I can't find my thumbdrive. All my PW stuffs!! Not that I need them anymore, but they are for memory's sake! ): I ransacked my whole room but still can't find. ))): Please please appear soon cos I'm really very sad.

Which reminds me, I totally forgot to say this though the results were like out 939898359 million years ago.

I GOT A FOR PWPWPWPWPW!!! AND B FOR A LEVEL CHINESE LAHHH! :D

Not that it matters, but still, an achievement! Hahaha.. And I do... hm, miss my PW group a whole lot. I miss YJ a whole lot. ):

***
I should stop watching Yu Bai's repeat every night even when I'm dead beat. Cos it totally drains my energy even more and all I do in class is stone. Audrey drew a stone in her textbook and wrote "I'm Geraldine, watch me stone." cos throughout Comm Skills I was, well, stoning. Hahaha

But but but, this few days Yu Bai got Da Dong!!! So must watch. Hahahhaa

I want to watch Fan Gun Ba! Dan Chao Fan!!!

Ok, I'm gonna like fall asleep on Lappy now so tata! 20 more minutes till Yu Bai! (:

War with household chores!

Okay, as mumsie is not home, my sis and I have to handle the household chores like.... washing clothes. Which my sis did, or attempted to. I was happily using the com when I heard my sis shout. Like "WHOA!"

I went to the kitchen and found half of the floor flooded with water lah. Apparently she didn't put the pipe of the washing machine which drains the dirty water into the toilet properly. Like Zooomg. Hahahaha then she was like,

"Don't let Muffin......!" Too late, my stupid dog ran in and got her paws all wet.

Double hahahaha

Shows what housework noobs we are. LOL.

***
I just found out today that half my class thinks that I'm a Malay.





Zzzzzzomgggggggggg. I really look that like mehhhh??? First in class Chin Kiat ask me, "Are you Malay or Chinese?" When I said Chinese he was like "No lah, you're Malay."

Then during break, Yan Luan ask me "Are you Malay or Chinese?"

Haiyoooo. Hahahaha 我是华人! 我会讲华语!

Good that I cleared their misunderstanding! Hahahahaha Anyway, collected lappy todayyyyy! (: Awesome. Thanks Brian who helped me carry it around school cos it was really heavy! (:

***
I was super pissed with my sis yesterday. And just now, after dinner. Just so fucking pissed with her freaking obsession with her boyfriend. Seriously, GET A LIFE.

***
I saw Mal with Raman yesterday! <3<3 Mallie!! Hahahha macaroni and cheese again again! Lol.

I love Ya Lun <3<3<3 I love Fei Lun Hai <3<3 Wah lao yesterday's Yu Bai (Yu Le Bai Fen Bai) was damn funny lah! Got Da Dong and Yu Zhe's 大对抗. Really damn funny! But I feel so sad for Jiro cos he was having very bad gastric or something. So poor thing lah he lost a lot of weight. ):

Ok, gonna go youtube on them now! Hahahaha bye people! <3s

It seems like de javu times three

So mummy was warded in today, op scheduled in the afternoon tomorrow. I think I'm such a mummy's girl. I always feel that tearing sensation when I have to leave my mum. This is her third time in and I still felt it just now. And the other time when I had to come back from the Genting trip by myself I felt it too. Gosh, what a weakling.

I pray for great health and a speedy recovery for mum. (:

I'm feeling really tired. Mighty morphine power headache paid me a visit and my head is fucking pain lah. I hate headaches.

Lappy can be collected on Wednesday (:

***
I miss my girlies - jas*thm
I miss my best friend in YJ- Cherlyn Pang!
I miss the banders. The whole lot of them ):

And the others. Many many others.

I hope they are preparing well for A's! And Val too.

Val,

I miss hanging out at your house and playing Sims and even miss mugging for Promos like how we did before.
I miss talking to you. A lot.
I miss the stayovers at your house.
I miss Maliwi's macaroni and cheese too!

I MISS YOU, BEST FRIEND.

***
Right now I'm feeling so drained, emotionally, physically.

I hate this feeling cos it makes me feel so weak. Hate it hate it hate it.
And now I just have a sudden urge to burst into tears.

Fuck it lah.

***
I'm going through another phase of emo shites, and am not really myself as you can see. Don't worry, soon enough I'll be back, Dine will be back.

With full of updates on how much she misses YA LUN and FEI LUN HAI.

Hahahah, actually I miss them like crazy lahhhhh. LOL. Have no time to youtube! OH, I love their new song with SHE called suan tian! It's so happy lah.

Maybe I should go listen to it and I'll feel better. Cos Fei Lun Hai always make me feel better. Hahahaha

Goodnight, loves. Before I die from the bloody headache, shall catch my beauty sleep.

So how do I live

I really can't think of anything to blog. Lately this song's stuck in my head.

张敬轩-吻得太逼真

无论怎么叫我都觉得虚伪
陪伴那么久你说是受罪
从前到现在当我是谁
你这花心蝴蝶
昨夜陪你醉
唱到我心碎
你竟说我和你不配
完全忘记往日为何
能与我彻夜缠绵

和你 吻吻吻吻吻
吻你吻得太逼真
让我把 虚情假意
当作 最真心 的亲吻
怪自己 来不及区分
你对我 是酷爱是敷衍

我想 吻吻吻吻吻
我该怎么脱身
你却说花花世界
不必当真
多么伤人
让我爱上多情的红唇

拿什么心肠面对我的生冷
能不能想一想你让我多伤
你的爱就像完美毒药
对手的场地依然漂亮
不敢想曾与你渡过
多少真实的晚上
一转眼热恋后身受重伤

和你 吻吻吻吻吻
吻你吻得太逼真
让我把 虚情假意
当作 最真心 的亲吻
怪自己 来不及区分
你对我 是酷爱是敷衍

我想 吻吻吻吻吻
我该怎么脱身
你却说花花世界
不必当真
多么伤人
让我爱上多情的红唇

深渊万丈你把我的爱
用尽后丢弃荒野埋葬
你犯的罪装没人知道
用什么证明你的亲吻真的残忍

和你 吻吻吻吻吻
吻你吻得太逼真
让我把 虚情假意
当作 最真心 的亲吻
怪自己 来不及区分
你对我 是酷爱是敷衍

我想 吻吻吻吻吻
我该怎么脱身
你却说花花世界
不必当真
多么伤人
让我爱上多情的红唇

***
Empty. I feel really empty.

***

I bought the ISWAK2 postcards. YA LUN, AWESOME.

<3<3<3 him like crazy can. Even if in the postcard he marries another girl. Hahahaha

Even heroes have the right to bleed

24 hours in a day is not enough for me.

I feel so busy everyday, I haven't time for myself or my friends. I wake up, go to school every Monday to Friday, go to work after school on Tuesdays, and even on weekends I gotta work.

And on top of that, I gotta go to the hospital to visit my grandpa.

I know I shouldn't complain cos my work is slack. But sometimes I just wish I have more time on my hands. So that I can catch up on what I'm missing out with my friends.

I feel like such a bad friend, and I'm so pissed with myself cos of this ):<

I can't lose this job cos my family's going through a rough patch right now. And my mum will be going for her op next week.

I really wonder how I will cope with visiting my mum and grandpa in two different hospitals, schooling and working.

And no, I'm not complaining about visiting, I want to. I NEED to.

I JUST WISH I HAVE MORE THAN 24 HOURS ON HAND.