Destroyed

I have lost it all. Didn't heed my own advice and I have lost it all. I only have myself to blame.

Once again, I lost myself. I let myself indulge in love. I became dependent. I lost track of life, of what's important. I hurt the very person I never wanted to hurt. I.. lost him. I never thought it would happen. Thought if I could give it my all to make things right it will be. But no. I guess things don't work this way.

Past few days has been a disaster. Allowed myself to wallow further into this dependence that killed the best relationship in my life. I really have to thank my good friends and family who were there for me. Come to think of it, it was pretty embarrassing to walk into a pub, plop myself by the bar and start tearing uncontrollably. I think I sent my good friend into a panic mode cos it's the first time I've cried in front of him.

I have learnt. But words will not fix anything. Neither would begging for a second chance. I'm going to get my life back on track. Gain my independence. Show the man I love that I'm capable of living without him, that I'm not a liability. Get the girl I was back, and then maybe, we'll have a second shot at this.

I love him. So so much. But I gotta learn to love myself more. I have set my path ahead for my future, one of which I still hope to spend with him. I'm now motivated and still holding on to faith. Well, as they all say and I do believe, love will always find a way.

To me it's not an end, but rather a new beginning.