Somewhere you're not coming back

The past few days have been a whirl.

Disbelief, denial, tears, realisation, more tears. I guess it's probably time for Ah Ma to rest, since she's been working so hard her whole life. I hope she's happy up there, finally taking a rest.

I miss you Ah Ma, you must stay happy (:

It hurts to see my Ah gong cry each time he stares at Ah Ma's photo. And like today when we went out for lunch at Fortunate restaurant. After a few mouthfuls of sharks' fin he started crying and said that Ah Ma cook one nicer. ): I hope he stays strong..

It seems like everything's coming one after another and it's so hard to stay strong, to act strong just so that your loved ones won't worry about you. I pray and hope for the very best.

***
I'm having a headache. -.- Totally hate it. Can't believe school's starting on Monday. Sis birthday is cominggggggg and I'm happy cos there're plans (:

Ok I'm tired and the headache is bugging me. I would love to blog about xiang ru fei fei but I'm kinda lazy right now hahahahahha another day perhaps.

Zai jian!

I wish you were here with me, tonight

Denial, perhaps.

I don't wish to think about it, at least not for now.
I can't deal with death, I can't deal with losses.

I still think that mama will come back. Mama will tell us she's fine.
Why?

Why does it have to be her? She's the best, best grandmother anyone can have.
Why?

Did they make a mistake? They must have. It shouldn't be her. It should never be her.

I miss you mama, I miss you.

Stay with me

I hate hospitals.
I hate TTSH. I really do.
I fucking hate ward 3B.
I really do.

It brings back the worst memories, and I'm so afraid of it happening again.

Grandma, hang in there please.

I went to the zoo zoo zoo

Loads of photos! I uploaded till I almost died! LOL.

On Tuesday I went to the zoo zoo zoo with my sis, sis bf, cousin, cousin bf and younger cousin. Hahahaha first trip since like what probably 10 years ago!

Alright, animal pics up!

Orang Utan!

Sun bear? Something sun bear? I can't remember its name LOL.

Komodo dragonnnnnnn!

Tortoise!

Iguana!

Crocodile!

Lazy lions!

Giraffe!

Are they meercats or something else? I can't remember but they are very cute!

Ostrich!

Zebra!

Cheetah!

I don't know, deers?

Rhino! I can't spell the whole thing LOL

Something whose name I've forgot again. Oops!

Baboons!

More baboons!
Check out their butts!!!

Some neckless bird hahahaha
Emu-s!Cute kangaroos!!!

Warthog? Or something hahaha
Hippopotamus!

Majestic white tigers!! They're really pretty! My sis called them murderers, so poor thing right they also donno anything!

Tapir!
I-forgot-what-this-is.
Some monkey?Another monkey!
Something like looks like a crocodile hahahaMore monkeys!

***
Ok I'm like tired after posting so many photos!

Zoo was fun though tiring! We are so smart we took photos of the animals but took NONE of ourselves woohoo, not.

I've been working so many days I feel so zzzzz but ok think of the money!

Today there was this customer who came in and ask if I had a tennis ball. Errrrrrr, do I look like a tennis player or does the shop look like a sports shop? LOL.

Ok happy happy happy (: Friday is coming!!!!! And so is tomorrow ^^
Bye! :D

No matter how many miles between

It's been long since I've updated, err ok not that long. It feels long though.

I worked for 11 and a half hours todayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Legs. Like. Jelly.

Work tomorrow, work Wednesday. Ok think of the money!

Did I mention that this little boy actually peed in the changing room with the help of his mum and his sis. Seriously WHAT THE HELL. The best part is, our shop is right next to the toilet. Tandas, you know, the place where you do your business. Not in the changing room. -.-

***
OMG ITS NEXT FRIDAY!!!

And 2nd Jan their 3rd album. Awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

***
Ok I better sleep I'm feeling like an energizer bunny without batteries. Ok rubbish.

JA MATA!

It still feels kinda surreal but, (:

Will it be like before?

MID-SEM TESTS ARE OVER.

Screwed up my last three papers pretty badly. Thanks to my thinking to much and not wanting to study. I always think about the wrong things at the wrong time don't I.

Work tomorrow and on Sunday ): Never mind I shall think of the moneyyyyyy. I was so looking forward to my girlies' night out aka Retrospective but cos of Yayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I don't know when is it now. ):

I preordered Feilunhai's third album omgggg :D :D :D

I am still feeling very........................................... at the moment and am on the verge of not blogging here anymore.

I don't know if I will, most probably not, just look at the amount of archives I have accumulated over these years. Oh well who knows.

I hate feeling like how I'm feeling now I wish there's something I can do about it but apparently there's none. I hate this ambiguity and I hate my fear. I hate how I can have such a long and tiring internal war within my thoughts and still end up with no answer.

I hate that I can't blog whatever I feel like blogging here but have to resort to another private space, makes me feel like such a coward but some things are not meant to be seen or read by others.

I think I'm going insane so I'll take this good two week break to not think about anything at all. But I don't think it's even possible cos I am thinking about everything 24/7.

Nice one Dine. So much for handling your own emotions.

I complicate matters way too much.

***
I am sorry for ranting so much recently.
For sounding so whiny
for not making sense
for being such a piece of emo shite.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

6 days to xiang ru fei fei!

It's like an endless fight I never seem to win

BA and Marketing screwed big time. I have no motivation to study, neither do I have the mood.

When there's too many things running in my head. I can't figure them all. It's me against fear. Me against past experiences. Heart against mind.

Sometimes I wish I were Muffin. Then all I do is eat, bark, sleep and wake up with my tongue stuck out like an idiot (above pic).

I can't handle it.................... ):

Hate my thinking too much. I really do.
Why can't I be like others. Why must I worry so much.

I'm such a sucker.

Best describes

S.H.E 飞轮海-谢谢你的温柔

谢谢你如此温柔
捧着爱情静静等候
我的双手
其实同样在颤抖

但我能给你什么
我只是一个他遗忘的我
心被一扫而空

我会把你种在我心中
也许某天会终于
再次长出一个梦

不知道不明了不想要
为什么我的心
明明是想靠近
却孤单到黎明

不知道不明了不想要
为什么我的心
那爱情的绮丽
总是在孤单里
再把我的最好的爱给你

谢谢你如此温柔
点着笑容的灯火
只温暖而不打扰我的寒冬

还没决定往哪走
才所以不能答应你陪我
怕你会变成我

我会把你种在我心中
也许某天会终于
再次长出一个梦

不知道不明了不想要
为什么我的心
明明是想靠近
却孤单到黎明

不知道不明了不想要
为什么我的心
那爱情的绮丽
总是在孤单里
再把我的最好的爱给你

不知道不明了不想要
为什么我的心
明明是想靠近
却孤单到黎明

不知道不明了不想要
为什么我的心
那爱情的绮丽
总是在孤单里
再把我的最好的爱给你

谢谢你如此温柔
点着笑容的灯火
只温暖而不打扰我的寒冬
还没决定往哪走
才所以不能答应你陪我
怕你会变成我

***
Apt, so very apt once again.

And FeiLunHai's third album is coming out. Awesome (:

9 MORE DAYS TO XIANG RU FEI FEI!!!

Because it scares me so

It really is like deja vu.
And I can't express my fear.

Once again it feels like this blog is more public than it's supposed to be.

And it's all running in my head.
I need to straighten out my thoughts..

No, maybe not.
Cos I won't be able to come up with anything anyway.
what if............
what if............
I hate myself for this.

Aku takde mood ke belaja

POM SUCK BALLS.

Am pretty much giving up on this subject cos it's seriously full of crap. Plus my 5% of marks gone due to that stupid quiz which I stupidly forgot to do makes me wanna give it up.

I hate it that they keep disturbing me with the other guy even more so, now that my cousin got together with my sister's boyfriend's friend. Kaoz.

Spell annoying. ANNOYING.

I am not studying. I think I'm only gonna pass Econs this sem. Wow. I keep playing Virtual Tennis on the PSP...................... What great distraction. Hahahhaa so kens.

Oh got reminded that Audrey and I were observing the guys while they were playing sports today. Came up with some pretty hilarious conclusions. Hahahahahahahaha

***
It's been long since I felt like that.

Am very afraid it would be deja vu all over again. So I'll be doing what I do best.

Nothing at all.

Out from under

Britney Spears-Out From Under

Breathe you out
Breathe you in
You keep coming back to tell me
you’re the one who could have been
and my eyes see it all so clear
It was long ago and far away but it never disappears
I try to put it in the past
Hold on to myself and don’t look back

I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under

So let me go
Just let me fly away
Let me feel the space between us growing deeper
And much darker every day
Watch me now and I’ll be someone new
My heart will be unbroken
It will open up for everyone but you
Even when I cross the line
It's like a lie I’ve told a thousand times

I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under

And part of me still believes
When you say you’re gonna stick around
And part of me still believes
We can find a way to work it out
But I know that we tried everything we could try
So let's just say goodbye
Forever

I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under

I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under
When I'm out from under

***
I think I'm falling in love with Britney again, like how I was such a fan of hers back in primary school.

Am listening to many of her old-school songs....... It feels therapeutic somehow.

Once again, I can't find the motivation to study. I haven't started and Mid-Sem tests starts next week.

Woohoo, not.

Iie

Take a step back, breathe
Take a step back
to how you were like before

get back into your own circle
let no one in

remember how that one mistake caused you so much misery
remember how that one mistake caused you so much pain
remember how that one mistake caused you so much regrets

remember.

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

On my own

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

Leave it as it is

I am a happy girl today (:

Though there's Jap test tomorrow and I'm kinda freaking out about it right now................

but I'm happy cos

1. I got my pay :D though not a lot la but at least I have money.
2. I bought the bag that I've been eyeing for since day 1 at work :D
3. Derrick came to find me at work! :O very surprised but very nice hahaha stupid idiot still as funny as ever..
4. Vallie and Yaya came to find me at work and we had dinner together which made me feel very very happy indeed (:

Very easily contented ain't I? I love love my girls so much even just meeting them for dinner can cheer me up so much. Especially Vallie Val Val (: It's so cool that my sister and my best friend are working for the same company hahahahaha cool but it may get weird? LOL.

Had a chat with Val Val on the way back home, feels like a long time since I talked about such stuffs? But yes............ I'll just not do anything and see how it goes, that's what I've been doing anyway.. Running away, perhaps. But I really have no idea what I should do.

Ok, off to study Nihongo de niko niko.

Gambatte kudasai!!!!

And as we're falling down

Somehow the always 2 remaining unattached in JAS'THM curse is so eerily true, I'm spooked by it. :\ It has been what, 4 years and it's still.... happening.

I am still thinking too much.
I still can't find the answers I want.
I am still fighting to hide whatever emotions I have.
I still can't find the courage to face up to them.

All the more I shouldn't.




Ignorance is bliss.

It's amazing how I can't seem to step out of this fear ever since.........................

Chill pill

Somehow I got so freaking frustrated and angry at myself and everything I was feeling hence the pissed post as above.

I'm starting to like my job more and more but the fact that Mid-Sem tests are coming totally spoils my mood. This sem everything sucks except for microecons. Woohoo 1/5 subjects. Got a feeling I'm gonna flunk pretty much the rest especially stats cos it so reminds me of H2 Math last year. What. the.

I haven't exactly been in the best of mood lately, I need to take a step back and chill for a moment lest I break down one day.

I just have to stop thinking about the unnecessaries and focus now, on my studies.

Don't be a loser and score like what you did for promos last year, Dine. My happy pill (:

K byeszxszxs I have to figure out a way to do Marketing and study and work within the whole of next week. Wow.